The 11th Day, 11 Years Later, 11 Years older.

The number 11 has always seemed to creep into my life in various ways. I was born on the 11th day in the year 1988. 88 is a multiple of 11. It only seems fitting that September 11, 2001 would be a day that would hold great significance in my life, and here we are–11 years later.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. One could argue that God could not have created a more beautiful day. There was not a cloud in the sky and the air was crisp in Charlotte, NC. I was in my 7th grade history class, taking a test, when I heard the news.

I will never forget that day. Like most of us, it was a day filled of sadness and mourning. We were mourning for loved ones, for friends, for friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends, but we were also mourning the world as we had known it. It was that year that I decided that I wanted to teach history.

Here I am, 11 years later. I will wake up on September 11, 11 years later, 11 years older, and I will walk into North Cobb Christian school as a history teacher. It is a humbling and motivating sensation. The gravity of that day weighs so heavily on me. The thought of conveying the lessons of that day to these students seems daunting. But then, grace. I remember that I was their age the day the towers fell–11 years ago.

 

Facebook Template for Teachers

Here is a Facebook-like template that I created for use in the classroom. It can be used as a handout. Tell students to create a “Facebook page” for historial figures or even fictional characters.

Lessons from a History Teacher, Challenge #1: Christians Aren’t Perfect

Being a teacher is a challenge. Sure, I don’t actually start teaching until August, but I’ve already run head first into challenge number one.

I’ve started to work on lesson plans for next year. This involves going through your material (in this case a textbook) and creating a broad outline for the year. As a history teacher, this gives me a succinct overview of American history from the 16th century to the present. So, imagine taking in that much history in such a short amount of time, add Biblical perspective, shake thoroughly, and you get challenge number one:

Christians did some terrible things over the course of history. 

Sure, I’ve already learned about the problems with Christianity over the course of history, but to prepare a lesson of this magnitude for 7th and 8th graders can be a daunting task.

It’s easy to get overwhelmed, easy to think, “How am I going to teach these difficult concepts to young people?” Then, maybe even more challenging, “How do I work through this myself?” 

I’m a seeker of truth. Whether it’s something trivial or something monumental, I want to get to the truth. I think this is why I’m drawn to history–I’m not interested in fluff. Some great things have happened in the past, but some terrible things have happened as well. Either way, I want the true story.

Finding truth in history is not easy. History is complicated, just as our own individual lives are complicated. History is people driven, so with that comes different emotions, motivations, sins, and triumphs. It’s a messy conglomeration of messy stuff. Christians included.

It’s important to realize that as an educator, I’m responsible for communicating the truth with wisdom. I can’t change history or make it fit into a neat little box tied with a Christian bow, but I can help kids understand that we serve a just, sovereign, loving God.

Christians have never been perfect and they never will be (at least on this side of heaven). We still sin, we still make mistakes, and we still do terrible things in the name of God. It shouldn’t be this way, but it is. And it’s something that we can’t sweep under the rug. All we can do is acknowledge that God creates beauty from ashes. God uses sinners to accomplish his will on Earth. And in this way, because we have a Savior who paid the price for sinners, history becomes a story of redemption.

Isaiah 61. 

Daniel 5:18-21

“May the nations be glad and sing for joy, for you rule the peoples with equity and guide the nations of the earth.” Psalm 67:4

“Where are you from?”

“Where are you from?”

It is a seemingly simple question, and one that I get asked all the time–perhaps because people can’t quite pin down my “strange” accent. Nevertheless, it’s a pretty common question when speaking to a stranger.  Well, let me tell you something, I hate this question. I hate it because I never know how to answer. My answer usually involves a great deal of “umm”s and “well”s before I give one of the following answers:

1. I’m from Charlotte, NC.

2. I’m from Birmingham, AL.

3. I’m from Birmingham, AL but I grew up in Charlotte, NC.

4. I’m from Birmingham, AL by way of Hattiesburg, MS and Charlotte, NC, but I only lived in Hattiesburg for 2 years and I’m really not even from Birmingham because I only lived there for 3 years before I moved to Auburn for 4 years.

So basically, it all turns into one long, run on sentence. Not cool.

By the time I get to number 4, I realize that I’m not really from anywhere. If I had to choose just one, I would choose Charlotte, but I can’t ignore the other places that I have called home. Each has made me who I am. If I hadn’t lived in Charlotte, I wouldn’t have the same childhood memories and I wouldn’t have been able to see my dad build Covenant Day School from the ground up. If I hadn’t lived in Hattiesburg, I would not have experienced the small town, crawfish boil, four-wheeling life. If I hadn’t moved to Birmingham, I would not have attended Auburn University. They are all a part of my story.

A few weeks ago it hit me. I’m about to move again. This inevitably means that I will answer this question approximately 32, 532 more times. I’m about to start a new adventure in a new state with new friends and a new home. I’m not going to be moving back to Auburn, or Birmingham, or Hattiesburg, or Charlotte. I’m going to be a Georgian for the long haul. And I realized that somewhere, around question number 20, 463, I will start telling people that I’m from Georgia. But don’t worry, you will never, ever, under any circumstances catch me saying, “Go Dawgs.”

The Big Move & Finding My Voice Again

Well, it happened. I lost my ability to write. For the past 2 years, this blog has been a creative outlet for me. Since January, I haven’t been able to write a single word. It suddenly seemed that I had lost my voice.

In December I graduated from college, and like any graduate, felt pretty hopeful and optimistic about my future. I was going to travel, explore, and discover. It was going to be a great time of personal enlightenment. Insert reality. Let me paint a picture of what the past 3 months has actually been like:

1. Worry about finding a job

2. Living at home

3. Living at home in yet another bedroom (my parents wouldn’t let me have the Master. What’s that about??)

4. No steady income

5. Repaying student loans (Anyone have any extra money? Nope? Worth a shot.)

6. Helping my mom watch my two-year old niece all day almost everyday (God bless you, moms)

7. Find an apartment, buy things to fill my apartment, pay for an apartment, & MOVE.

8. Worry, worry, and more worry

On top of this, I realized that I desperately miss school. They really should classify this as a medical condition as I know that all college graduates have felt exactly the same way. But for me, it felt a little different.

I haven’t really missed my social life or even living in a college town. I’ve missed the actual school work. I know, I know. Cry me a river. But school is all I’ve known.

My dad is an educator. Education has always been a constant stabilizer. One thing I’ve missed more than anything else has been the writing that a major in History required. I never realized how much creativity, focus, and mental exercise it required.

I’m happy to announce that this too is passing. I GOT A JOB! I am officially going to be a middle school social studies teacher in Kennesaw, Georgia! I’m so excited and absolutely terrified about this new chapter. It is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but likely the most rewarding. I’m looking forward to going back–back to school!

It turns out that these past few months have not been for naught. I have learned a great deal about myself–weaknesses, fears, and, yes, even strengths. I’ve seen the power and grace of God at work once again. I know that he has placed me exactly where I’m meant to be and it couldn’t be more exciting. So far I love the people I’m going to be working with, I love where I will be working, and I love that I get to start yet another journey in my life as a single woman.

For now, it’s time to keep learning and keep loving.

Relationships, Resurrection, and Waiting for Change.

A few days ago I was asked a question. “Do you think resurrection is possible?” I paused for a few seconds to contemplate my answer. “Yes,” I tentatively answered, “but resurrection requires change.” Of course I believe in the Resurrection, for it is the hinge on which my faith rests, but this individual was referring to a metaphorical resurrection and more specifically, the resurrection of a relationship. This question got me thinking about the idea of resurrection and redemption. When I looked up the definition, I found that synonyms of resurrection include “rejuvenation” and “renewal.” At the very heart of resurrection is the idea of change. In a literal sense it is the idea that something that was once dead changes physically, chemically, and biologically. It results in something new, something better than what was there before.

I like change. I like the idea of changing seasons, new environments, and self-improvement. However, I don’t like waiting for change. It’s no secret that I’m impatient. I’m systematic, empirical, and I want answers now. I want to have a schedule, a timeline, or something that will give me an idea about what’s to come. Unfortunately, God doesn’t work within my timeline and he certainly does not allow me to see the future (note to self: must find a DeLorean).

If I am completely honest, waiting really frightens me. I want all of the facts right in front of me so that I can make an educated decision about which step to take next. Usually, the next step involves running and not sticking it out. At least if I run away and move on then I don’t have to worry about waiting around only to be disappointed. And as time passes, I begin to question whether or not I’m worthy of that redemption, of that change in myself or in anyone else.

But then I start thinking about the disciples and I remember that waiting on change takes faith. Though Jesus told his disciples that he would be raised in three days, they were too dense/preoccupied/ impatient to make the connection. They had to wait for the resurrection to see their faith realized. It wasn’t automatic. It’s difficult to imagine what those three days must have felt like. I imagine that the disciples felt many of the things that I feel now. Not to compare my situation to the Resurrection, but the disciples were human. They had doubts, fears, and some even lived in denial (I’m looking at you, Peter).

Often, I wonder if the wait will be worth it; if it’s worth it to wait for change, for a resurrection. After all, we are certainly not Jesus. We let people down and we desperately cling to our old selves. I suppose that faith requires that I take my focus off of other people and the possibility that they may or may not change. I let myself get so wrapped up in other people that I forget that my happiness should not be dependent upon the actions of others. I cannot resurrect myself or anyone else. I have to give up my subconscious desire to be God; to create change independent of him. I can’t do it. I have to allow the Lord to do a work in me and in my relationships. I have to give up control. I am certainly held responsible for my actions and thoughts, but ultimately, I’m free because Jesus has already been resurrected. He rose so that you and I could be free! We are free from sin and we are free from the burden of change, because change has already come.

“Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” Isaiah 30:18

“but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.” Romans 4:24-25

“For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” Romans 8:24-26

“he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

2012: The Year of the Dream

Well, here we are again. It’s the end of another year! I can’t really do too much complaining about 2011. As years go, it’s been pretty exciting. I closed a significant number of chapters in my life this year. I closed the book on certain relationships and I became only the second person in my entire family to accomplish something really special–I graduated from college!!

Like most people, I have a great deal of hope for the new year. I’m also a realist so I try not to get my hopes up too high knowing how life tends to bring them back down, but I remain hopeful. This is a time of great transition in my life so expect more blog posts! I am currently unemployed (enter the self-promoting plug) – Any Christian schools need a history teacher? No? Anyone need a social media marketer? Intern? Anything?? You get the point.

At this point I really have nothing to tie me down. No job, no boyfriend, no more schooling (for now). This needs to be my year of adventure. I want to travel, I want to do something crazy–something for myself. “Real life” is beginning and there is so much that I want to do that I don’t even know where to start.

There’s the teaching dream; the social media expert dream; the seminary dream; the get my PhD dream; the move to Europe dream; the move to Charlotte, Nashville, New York, Chicago, Colorado, Montana, Maine, and almost any other state dream; the open a bakery/cafe/coffee shop dream; the write a book dream; the work in the film industry dream; and finally, the have children and become a wife and mother dream. Needless to say, 2012 is now the year of the dream.

I suppose it’s good to have dreams. Dreams keep us young and remind us that anything is possible. They give us hope and something to hold onto. I may not be able to accomplish all of these dreams, but at least I have them. At least the thought of them keeps me hopeful.

What about you? What are your dreams for 2012?

“And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.’And he who was seated on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.’ Also he said,’Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.’ And he said to me, ‘It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end.’” Revelation 21:3-6

Happy New Year!

Brokenhearted

What do you do when your world crumbles yet again? How do you pick yourself back up? How do you fight through the tears? I just want to be mad. I want to throw a fit and tell the world about the jerks of this world–the ones who break your heart. I want to ask this person how they could possibly take the past 6 years of wondering, hoping, and waiting and throw it away with a few lies within a few hours. I want to run away, I want to put the walls back up, and I don’t ever want to bring them down again. I would also prefer to lie in bed and just cry. But guess what? Life doesn’t work that way. God doesn’t appreciate self pity. He sympathizes with our pain, but he doesn’t let us wallow in it and believe me, I want nothing more than to wallow.

It’s easy to try to find people to blame. I want to blame men, then I want to blame myself, and then I want to blame God. Thoughts of “I’m not good enough” or “I deserve the pain” start to creep in and the Devil begins to gain a foothold. He tries to get these thoughts to fester so that they are sitting there in the back of my mind just waiting for an opportunity to spread. I feel worn down, exhausted, and done with it all. But God is faithful. Sure, that seems like a cliche just meant to make us feel better, but I have to believe it. I have to cling to that truth every single day or I will not make it through. When trust is broken and hope is shattered by human beings, he is the only one who renews, restores, and rejuvenates. So I’m going to have a good cry and then I’m going to pick myself back up and keep going.

“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” Ecclesiastes 3:1, 3-4

“Sing praises to the LORD, O you his saints, and give thanks to his holy name. For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime.Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning…You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!” Psalm 30: 4-5, 11-12

“The LORD descended in the cloud and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the LORD. The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness” Exodus 34: 5-6

“For the word of the LORD is upright, and all his work is done in faithfulness. He loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of the steadfast love of the LORD.” Psalm 33:4-5

It’s Here! Graduation Day!

Well, it’s finally here. Graduation Day. To be honest, I never imagined this day would actually arrive. It never really crossed my mind that school would one day end, and yet, here we are. The past 4 years have been difficult for me. They have been years tainted by personal failures, heartbreak, and difficult times for my family. Everyone always says that college is the best time of your life. No one ever told me that it could be my worst. But despite it all, despite the bad times and yes, even some good times, it is possible to get through. I’m really proud of what I have accomplished. We are so fortunate to live in a world where a collegiate education is more or less expected, but it’s important to remember that that wasn’t the case just a generation ago. I’ve never been more proud to say that today I will become only the second person on both sides of my family to graduate from college! The first was my father who has his Ph.D. I’m really proud to be able to follow him and to hopefully join him in the family business–education. I can’t wait to see what the future brings with all of its beautiful challenges.

Drama Queen

I try not to be dramatic. Let’s face it, no one likes the drama queen who makes a scene just to stir up trouble or get attention. From the time that I made my very first guy friend, I began to live in fear of being “that girl.” You know, the overly jealous, flies off the handle at the tiniest thing, reads into every word, high maintenance girl. I never wanted to be that way. That’s fine and great, but somewhere along the way I think I lost my voice. I have been so afraid of confrontation and the dramatic that I stopped communicating. It’s gotten me into trouble more than a few times. A girl can only hold in her dramatic tendencies for so long! All of my thoughts and feelings build up until I have nothing left to do but unleash them on the poor souls around me, and then, just like that, I become the dramatic girl that I never wanted to be.

It got me thinking about why girls are known to be dramatic. Why do we act this way? Is it irrational or is it warranted? I think it is a combination of many different factors. As women, we tend to believe that we should just sit in the corner with our mouth shut in fear that we might irritate men. We want them to see us as the “cool girl”–the one who can go with the flow and doesn’t make trouble. We also want to be noticed. When we have a dramatic outburst it is because we are desperate to be seen and hey, if we make a scene at least you’ll notice us, right? It’s always difficult to find a balance–to find completeness in the Lord and not in others, and yet, know that what we feel matters. Some days I just want to be dramatic–I want to say what I want to say and tell you how I really feel. At the end of the day we are all human. We are all afraid of rejection, inferiority, and looking like an idiot. Some just hide it better than others.